You are a KERRYing person!

the things we kerry

kerry me!

kerrying on and on

kerrycloth robe

be very kerryful

kerry bears

kerrying case

hari-kerry

kerrys jubilee

strawkerries and cream

kerryoke

Mail to the Chief

A friend's mother sends in a piece of fan-mail. You may need to read between the lines:

Dear Michelle,

I’m Gabe's mother and a lifelong pun aficionado. I think puns are the highest form of humor. I wrote a term paper in college all in puns.

As Gabe’s Ma, you know I appreciate smart humor, and I find your pun blog is simply Ma-velous.

You now have a place of honor on my Favorites toolbar....where I go everyday at cocktail hour for a screwdriver.

Add me to your list of fans....and believe me, I’m no blowhard.

Keep on keeping on,
Julie L.

What follows is my response letter, with Mrs. L's second e-mail back in CAPS:

Dear Mrs. L,

Thank you so much for writing!! I had to pull out my Lil' Orphan Annie decoder ring to try to catch all of the hidden meanings and word play, and like a three-year-old in a fireworks shop, had a blast.

I’M GLAD MY ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR DIDN’T BOMB.

I highly encourage you to take part in our very "active" comments section. If you choose not to comment, that's fine... the site will continue wit or wit-out you... day and night, rain or shine, weather you like it or not.

I DID POST A COMMENT ALTHOUGH AFTER SO MANY OF YOUR GOOD PUNS, IT WAS SOMEWHAT OF AN ANTI-CLIMATES.

So grab the bull by the horns and steer us in the right direction!

PARTICIPATING IS CALF THE FUN!

Thanks again,
Michelle

What the--?!! Das Spunkin Bullshit!

Some of our readers (once again, thanks to all 6 of you) may have noticed one of the most belligerent commenters in Punrise, Punset history. His name is Das Spunken. And here is his story:

Hi I just wanted to say how poor your blog is. I have featured it on my site http://dasspunken.blogspot.com/.

His site goes on to call our beloved Punrise an "exceedingly piss poor excuse for prose."

To us, this sounded like the perfect opportunity to take advantage of "Das Spunken"...the only way we know how...

Das Spunken Treasure Chest

Das Spunken like a true genius

Ouch! I did something bad and Da's Spunken me!

Play Das Spunken Music, White Boy

You've Been Das Spunken'd with Ashton Kutcher

Das Spunken Word / Poetry Jam

Das Spunken Cheeks

Das SpunKen and Barbie

Bob CosDas Spunken

On halloween (drunk in pumpkin patch): Dasspunken we want!

Das Dunken Donuts

Das Bullshit!

Das Spunken Brewster

You Das Stunken the toilet up

Sid and Nancy? Das spunken rock!

Das Da Story of my Life Spunken

Das Slam Spunken

Das de way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I Spunk it!

Das Flunken Me In Math Class

Really? Das spunken incredible!

[Thanks to Chelsea and Michelle]

The Garden Of Eatin'

An IM conversation with Michelle and Drue:

Drue:Lettuce talk of vegetables!
Drue:Unless the blog won't have mushroom for that.
(Michelle spends time working while at work.....what's with that?)
Michelle: Ok I'm looking to get my Tomatoe in the door somewhere else
Michelle: As I work for some real Cabbitches
Michelle: I'm in a real Car-rut of a job
Drue: Your problems could be parsley your fault....
Michelle: Only Thyme will tell
Drue: you are kind of Corny when it comes to these things
Michelle: This is the Cauliflowerst thing that's ever happened to me
Drue: That last one was Peppered with sillyness!
Drue: Don't let word Leek!
Michelle: You really know how to Celeread between the lines
Drue: So Shallot be!
Drue: You never know what will Turnip!
Michelle: Broccoli me crazy!
Drue: That was a little cucumbersome
Michelle: yes, like it
Drue: Hang on, I have the Jicama-ups
Drue:Jic! Jic!
Michelle: Bean there, pun that
Michelle: That was great - like a duel, only we're armed with our sharp wit. I think we're done!
Drue: Good, cuz I gotta pea!
Michelle:OMG

Drue signed off at 4:34:09 PM.
Michelle reconsidered asking drue to join the pun team at 4:35:01 PM.

VARIOUS PUNS

UNIQUE
Unique to learn to chill
Remember when Nazis lives in Munique, Germany?
Unique-ap Looksa like itsa sprained (kneecap)
I gotta go make a poo-nique
See you soonique

RESPECT
This woodpecker respect me to death!
Those fireworks are respectacular!
My respectacles could use some polishing!
I gotta go to the optometrist... my reSPECTacles broke!
Respectre of Darkness
I can't breathe... I must have a RESPECTARATORY illness!
The olympics has no respectators this year!

CARROT (1)
Carrot on my wayward son

RETARD
Cletus retard the road for the parade. (re-tarred)
I just dropped a huge retard in the toilet
Crisco is pure retard

COFFEE
My bank charges a hugh coffee
Coffee anan is a handsome black man
Have you tried this salt water coffee? its addictive
Did he coffee you the job?
Coffee up the cash!
I have a hacking coffee
Did you buy the coffeen for your dead son yet?
I hate it when someone in an audience is coffeeing
I think Robert De Niro is really in the coffee-a
Get coffee your ass and do some work already!
I coffeel ya!
(Hiking accident--avalanche) AHHHH! I coffeel my legs!

[Thanks to Chelsea and Michelle]

Challenge!

WORD: MACHETE

Took machete to the levy, but the levy was dry

Paper machete

Machete potatoes

"Are you still feeling bad, how're you?"
"Ech. I'machete"

This is a challenge to Drue.

Thanks to Chelsea and a reluctant Michelle (machete potatoes).

Godspammit!

Spam I Am
Candid Spamera
Bitch, make me a Spamwhich
Two-humped Spamel
Wham bam thank you Spam
Spamela Anderson
Frankly, My Dear, I Don't Give a Spam
Vietspam
Spam by your man
Uncle Spam
Spammbled eggs
Hoover Spam
Spamcorder
Nooks and Spammies
Spammaries
Uncle Spambo
Wingspam
Afghanispam
Jennifer Anispam
Spamish Harlem

[Thanks to Chelsea and Michelle]

An Actual IM Conversation with My Mother on Her Birthday...

What follows is an example of how bad puns are taking over my life:

Michelle: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
MOM: My best birthday gift ever was you
Michelle: Listen i'm all stocked up on schmaltz
MOM: There is always room for more schmaltz
Michelle: You know what i'm gonna get Dad for Hannukah?
MOM: What
Michelle: a HERRING aid
MOM: nighty night
Michelle: hahaha
Michelle: WAIT!
Michelle: gefilte kettle and have some tea
Michelle: and a goodnight's sleep
MOM: Good Night
Michelle: I fish you a happy birthday
MOM: you are the best
Michelle: get troutta here
Michelle: ya gotta a good sole
Michelle: and a snapper sensa humor
Michelle: k these are terrible
Michelle: I mean i can keep going if you want
Michelle: but you probably want to go to sleep
Michelle: hello?
Michelle: HELLO?
Michelle: speak to me!
Mom: Goodnight.
Mom signed off at 12:23:05 a.m.

Doody Calls

Excrement Job!
Fecal Position
(covering ears) Stop That Kaka-phony!
Your impoodence is out of control
Quit stooling for time
Shit it Out of the Ballpark!
Crap Your Hands!
...I'm stool in love with poo...
Stoolen glances
Big to-doo
Much Adoo doo About Nothing
Doo the Right Thing
Doody Where's my Car
Excremental Illness
Turd base
"A little turdy told me..."
Turds and bees
Turds and Weigh
Turdulence
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turd-les
"I Turd it through the Grapevine..."
Read Shit and Weep
Hangin' with Mr. Pooper
Shoot some Poops
Crap Shit Logs
It takes Poo to Tango
Ass-nugget from the kitchen (as in: "I snuck it")
It takes poo to make a thing go right
"Poo Make me Feel like a Natural Woman"
Crap the whip
The Diarrheal World
DiaRhea Perlman
Don't cremate me; bury my body in a Cacaffin.
We're totally b-logging this

[Thanks to Chelsea and Michelle]

Trees Company

An IM Convo with Peter and Michelle

Michelle: So todays pun topic.... trees? I figure we should start out simple.
Peter: If it proves too boring, we can spruce up the topics later
Michelle: Oak-ay that sounds good
Peter: If you can stomach this current level of puns, I warn you: you may get sycamore.
Michelle: Pine with me! That sounds balsam.
Michelle: Fir real
Peter: Oak dokey.
Michelle: Remeber the Ash you owe me? Wait till next week, and you Willow me double.
Michelle: Honestly though i think we are psychopaths.
Peter: Yeah, there's a worry of that.
Peter: Psychopathia
Peter: Pun Forest Pun
Michelle: hahaha
Michelle: GOOD ONE
Michelle shot herself in the face at 10:28:02 AM.
Peter signed off at 10:29:02 AM.

Hey, kids! We have a word-playdate!

Re: APT.

If this bar were a screenwriter, it's name would be Westerly Anderson.

[Thanks to Chelsea]

Other Possible Titles For This Blog

Pundon Calling
Attila the Pun
Just for Pun
PundaythroughFriday
Das Punhouse
Pun in the Oven
Girls Just Wanna Have Pun
One Pundred Days of Laughitude
Pun on Pun We're Having Some Pun in the Bedroom

[Thanks to Chelsea and Michelle]