VARIOUS PUNS

UNIQUE
Unique to learn to chill
Remember when Nazis lives in Munique, Germany?
Unique-ap Looksa like itsa sprained (kneecap)
I gotta go make a poo-nique
See you soonique

RESPECT
This woodpecker respect me to death!
Those fireworks are respectacular!
My respectacles could use some polishing!
I gotta go to the optometrist... my reSPECTacles broke!
Respectre of Darkness
I can't breathe... I must have a RESPECTARATORY illness!
The olympics has no respectators this year!

CARROT (1)
Carrot on my wayward son

RETARD
Cletus retard the road for the parade. (re-tarred)
I just dropped a huge retard in the toilet
Crisco is pure retard

COFFEE
My bank charges a hugh coffee
Coffee anan is a handsome black man
Have you tried this salt water coffee? its addictive
Did he coffee you the job?
Coffee up the cash!
I have a hacking coffee
Did you buy the coffeen for your dead son yet?
I hate it when someone in an audience is coffeeing
I think Robert De Niro is really in the coffee-a
Get coffee your ass and do some work already!
I coffeel ya!
(Hiking accident--avalanche) AHHHH! I coffeel my legs!

[Thanks to Chelsea and Michelle]